Just A Thought As Father's Day Approaches

Today's post is from our friend HIM. 

Like anyone else, I read other sites. But I don’t post on them. Thing is, most of them are filled with junk: robo-replies, negative nellies, knuckle-dragging miscreants, etc. But I do read them.

Metal Sludge is a legend of the online world. Stevie Rachelle cut his teeth on the almost-made-it Tuff and then went on to launch the site. I often find his site to be funny. I occasionally find it to be a bit twee. But it is his site. He is living his life. And he shares it as he sees it, warts and all.

His recent post, much like his lengthy (though sporadic) discussions of Tuff’s not quite rise and not quite fall, caught my attention. And, to be honest, it hit like a punch. He does that occasionally. Closing in on Father’s Day, he wrote something so obviously honest that it would be odd if it didn’t have an impact on you.

https://metalsludge.tv/dear-dad-i-miss-you-dad-and-have-missed-you-terribly-growing-up-without-you-stevie-rachelle/

Stevie likes to poke at people. He likes to take digs at those who don’t like being reminded they are human. Occasionally, he crosses a line or two. But this post reminds me that, like BBG!, there are sites out there that occasionally speak to everyone.

I never experienced Rachelle’s loss. But I did lose my dad during the pandemic, after a slow slide into dementia, where he eventually forgot how to eat. Imagine that? You forget how to do one of the most basic things in the world?!?! I arrived home the day after he passed. But I had seen him pre-pandemic. And, on that visit, he acknowledged my presence by saying (after I had gone out of the veteran’s home to have a smoke), “that guy is back.” I took that as my goodbye. And it was.

On my pandemic visit, we went to pick up his remains (things move quickly in a small town). The heft of the box we got with his ashes in it amazed me. But then I thought: this is dad. This is what remains. And now his remains are secure in a vessel in my Mom’s room, underneath a tree on their property, and also wherever the tides take him after we placed some of his ashes in the ebbs and flows of the Tiber in Rome last summer.

My dad was far from perfect, like Rachelle’s. But he raised me. He provided me with some lessons I will never, ever, forget. I will miss him until I die. And I think we owe all of our imperfect parents a debt of thanks.

Stevie, I was luckier than you. But I hear you all the same. Thanks for sharing.

Comments

[EddieLongHair]

Well said, HIM. My father and I were never particularly close when I was growing up. My parents are still married and I grew up living in the same house with him, but just... never close. As I have aged (58) and so has he (79) he seems to have softened a little. We've grown a little closer. Recently, we've even started to hug each other. Imagine that! The day will come eventually, as it always does. There will be missed hugs, but also gained hugs. An early happy Father's day to all the fathers here (I'm not one of them), your dads and your sons, as well.

[Kixchix]

That was great Him. I don’t read Sludge and don’t that dude. But his openness and candor is refreshing. Father’s Day is bullshit. Dads are too varied to get a proper Day organized like the almost religious Mothers Day. That’s ok I wouldn’t have it any other way. Dads generally do the best they can. Some Dads simply rock more than others.

[Bkallday]

Him, coming from someone that lost his daddy when I was 7, what you posted was awesome. Thanks for being you. Forgive me if I take a while to read this post by Stevie, sometimes I still have trouble dealing with that loss. Thanks again buddy and I’m so sorry to hear about what happened with your dad.

[Him]

Thanks to all three of you for replying. I appreciate your comments. Just trying to add my two cents (or less) to this wonderful site. And this post kinda' grabbed at me in a way I wasn't expecting. Funny how that can happen.

I hope you, and everyone else on here, are all doing well.

[Bob]

Him, my friend, I don't know what grabbed me to visit BBG today, but something did. Thank you for sharing your story. My 87-year-old Father is slowly slipping away from us as dementia takes more and more of his mind. It is so tough to watch, and so hard for my 85-year-old Mother to be in a small house with him by herself. I visit them when I can, but being blind, I can't just jump in a car and make that 11-hour drive whenever I want.

As you said, we need to embrace the imperfections of our parents. We live about five minutes from my wife's Father and Stepmother, (MY wife's Mother passed away about 30 years ago.) They drive us crazy, but we love them; imperfections and all.

One day, most of us will wish we had our parents back to drive us crazy.

Sending much love and positive vibes to the whole BBG gang.

[Him]

Appreciate that heartfelt comment, Bob.

Imperfections are, by and large, what make us unique humans. And it is amazing, as time goes on, how many imperfect humans I miss.