Yahoo! Slags Glam

I hate it when people try to be "cool" on the Internet. Every time some writer tries to be ultra chic, a Glam band ends up getting slammed.

About two days ago, Yahoo! released lists of the best and worst hairbands of all time. For starters, we don't say hairbands, and second, I urge you to take both lists with a grain of salt. They are, after all, complete crap. Both were written by some guy named Rob O'Connor. I bet he has an M.A. in English like me. The difference is that my piece of overpriced paper is shoved in the bottom of a plastic tub in one of my over crowded closets and his is probably displayed proudly on his desk so the world knows he's in academic debt up to his eyeballs. Nope, you can't buy credibility - you have to earn it. With lists like these...well, I wonder if Rob ever had aspirations of working for the local Starbucks? That seems hipster enough for him. 

First, the "worst."

25. Mr. Big
24. Y&T
23. Bang Tango
22. Shotgun Messiah
21. Lizzy Borden
20. Trixter
19. Danger Danger
18. Autograph
17. Dokken
16. Bulletboys
15. Lita Ford
14. Stryper
13. Great White
12. Slaughter
11. Giuffria
10. White Lion
09. Damn Yankees
08. Warrant
07. Bad English
06. Europe
05. Whitesnake
04. W.A.S.P.
03. Extreme
02. Skid Row
01. Poison

 Now...the best. Drum roll, please...

25. Winger
24. L.A. Guns
23. Queensryche
22. Enuff Z'Nuff
21. Hanoi Rocks
20. Angel
19. Loverboy
18. Faster Pussycat
17. Bon Jovi
16. RATT
15. Quiet Riot
14. Kix
13. Vixen
12. Scorpions
11. Cinderella
10. Twisted Sister
09. Spinal Tap
08. Motley Crue
07. Ozzy Osbourne
06. Kiss
05. Aerosmith
04. Def Leppard
03. New York Dolls
02. Van Halen
01. Guns n' Roses

Now, regardless of how you feel about either list - it's the commentary that makes this all so priceless. About Motley Crue, Rob writes:

"Mick Mars may be the creepiest looking guy in music--and that's saying something. And Tommy Lee may only be "lovable" to women who regularly appear in centerfolds. But I wasn't planning on inviting these guys to dinner. On some level, you expect to hear that your rock stars do not behave like choir boys or even decent human beings. Whether they drink the blood of goats or indulge in enough recreational narcotics to have a poppy field named after them, it goes with the territory. Their greatest sin isn't heroin, it's their inherent corniness."

 Now...his take on Warrant:

"How many forms of wretched can one band deliver? Well, if "Heaven" isn't enough for you, there's always a little "Cherry Pie" to go along with it on the side. Power ballads! Crappy stadium anthems! And guest spots from the guys in Danger Danger and Poison! It's like a recipe straight from Rachael Ray."

I think you and I both agree that these lists are way off - and naming Poison the worst "hairmetal" band is a big joke. Motley Crue is not high enough on the good list. While Motley actually made the good side, all the author did was slag them, so what is the point? Click the links above to read comments. I seriously have nothing more to add about this laughable mess.

Comments

[Ian]

this is posible the most infuriating article ive ever read. its an insult to see dokken, stryper, extreme, skid row, and slaughter on the worst list. its also an insult to see guns n roses at the top of the good list

[Vince Neilstein]

I agree that this list is stupid and that these kinds of lists in general are stupid. But come on, "hair metal" is a completely fair and widely used label.

[Lucifer Styxx]

PAH!
This guy is a nonce.

Motley should have been number one.

And Skid Row and Poison should never have been on the crap bands list.

Just a few of the many things wrong with the lists.

Also, can Ozzy even be considered a 'hairband' as they call them?

[David]

im way late, but this dude is totally mildly retarded....skid row #2 worst? are you shitting me? put in slave to the grind and tell me how "bad" it is. hell i could listen to "wasted time" all damn day!

[devin]

it blows me away that queensryche is on the list they are not glam at all, these lists are horrible

[zmbdog]

Wow, I've seen plenty of clueless metal lists but this is on another level! Did he draw names from a hat? Where can you go once you've deemed Whitesnake, Mr. Big and Skid Row among the WORST? You go full on coo-coo and declare Loverboy, Spinal Tap and Ozzy among the BEST! Three textbook examples of hair bands, for sure!

And Vixen's cool and everything but on what planet do they have credibility yet Lita Ford doesn't? Cuz it ain't Earth. I'd say this guy is a total outsider except...that person wouldn't know of Giuffria and Lizzy Borden, and they wouldn't have Winger on the "best" list. In fact, their top 3 worst would be (say it with me) Poison, Winger and Warrant. Cuz that is the mainstream's dictionary definition of "hair band". so....

maybe he really is from another planet? That seems the most logical answer.